Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category

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Funeral Etiquette for Thank You Notes

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014

Funeral Etiquette for Thank You NotesThe loss of a loved one and the planning of an entire funeral from start to finish is an exhausting affair. It’s not uncommon for those undergoing bereavement to feel both physically and mentally exhausted, and emotions can run through a course of highs and lows in a matter of minutes. Among all the chaos of guests arriving from out of town and navigating the financial side effects of death, it can seem impossible to find time to write funeral thank you notes.

Funeral etiquette dictates that the family of the deceased send out thank you cards in the days and weeks following the funeral. Fortunately, this isn’t the time-consuming, tedious task it sounds like. Not only can you purchase pre-prepared thank you cards and send them out, but you can recruit the help of others and make it a chance to bond and share your grief.

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How to Plan a Belated Funeral

Saturday, March 22nd, 2014

How to Plan a Belated FuneralThere are many reasons to delay a funeral. Maybe it’s a difficult time of year for family members to get time off work or to make travel arrangements. Perhaps the deceased wished for a springtime service. Maybe you don’t currently have the money to cover funeral costs.

Whatever the reasons, it’s becoming more common to opt for direct cremation or direct burial immediately following death—and to hold a formal “funeral” or memorial service sometime in the future. You can wait weeks, months, or even years to do this, which gives you greater flexibility and more options when it comes to saying goodbye.

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Sending Sympathy Notes for the Holidays

Friday, February 28th, 2014

Sending Sympathy Notes for the HolidaysIt’s common funeral etiquette to send funeral flowers or a sympathy card in the days surrounding a funeral. Few things bring comfort to a family as much as this visible show of support, and funeral card messages run the gamut from simple sentiments that acknowledge your shared loss to more elaborate letters that you write from the heart.

For grieving families, however, mourning doesn’t stop after the funeral comes to a close. If anything, it’s the days, weeks, months, and years to follow that present the true challenge—and no time is more difficult than the holidays. As everyone else gets out the good cheer and holly, mourning families may be facing the most difficult time of their lives.

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What Not to Wear to a Funeral

Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
What Not to Wear to a Funeral

Britney Spears should hit the mall one more time to find an appropriate outfit for this funeral.

The fastest way to give offense at a funeral is to wear something inappropriate, and guidelines of what not to wear to a funeral often outline the most obvious funeral attire no-nos. Things like excessively short skirts, shorts, flip flops, casual jeans, or clothes that are dirty or torn are all commonly avoided—and with good reason. Anything that belongs at a beach or in a nightclub isn’t right for the formal and somber setting of a funeral.

While most of us can be expected to avoid the more obvious funeral attire pitfalls, there are also more subtle fashion choices you should avoid. Follow our what not to wear to a funeral guide below to ensure that you present yourself in a way that is respectful and appropriate for the day.

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What to Wear to a Funeral: Dressing Your Kids for a Funeral

Saturday, February 8th, 2014

What to Wear to a Funeral: Dressing Your Kids for a FuneralAlthough not everyone believes that taking your kids to a funeral is a good idea, there are times and places when it is entirely appropriate. Funerals for family members, for young friends, and for people you knew well often find children in attendance. While kids at funerals come with their own etiquette guidelines (including sitting near the back so you can make a quick exit if they become disruptive and talking about appropriate behavior ahead of time), the concern of this post is to determine what kids should wear to a funeral.

Black clothes for kids aren’t necessary—and they can often be difficult to find. And because the likelihood of them wearing anything you purchase again before they outgrow it is slim, it’s not worthwhile to spend your money on formal funeral attire. Instead, look through their closets to find:

  • Suits, slacks, and other wedding or church-friendly attire. If your son has a suit he wears for formal events, by all means, use it for the funeral. However, if you’re like most parents, the most you can hope for is a presentable pair of khakis and a button-up shirt. These are perfectly fine. Dress it up with a clip-on tie if you want to, but don’t worry about the colors unless they’re loud or distracting.
  • Dresses that don’t dazzle. Girls often have holiday-like dresses or other sparkly gowns in their closets. Avoid these if you can. It’s better to put a girl in a sensible (and understated) skirt and blouse than to bring out the full party dress. A funeral is less about showing off how formal you can be and more about being quietly respectful in the background.

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What to Wear to a Wake

Monday, January 27th, 2014

What to Wear to a WakeWhat to wear to a funeral and what to wear to a wake are similar but not necessarily the same thing. These two services, both conducted to honor the life and death of the deceased, serve different purposes in the act of bereavement.

A wake (usually held prior to the funeral) is an informal gathering either at the home of the deceased or at alternate location. While the historical traditions of a wake have their roots in physically watching over the body of the deceased in the days leading up to burial, it is now more of a time to get together and eat, talk about loved ones, and remember a life well lived.

A funeral is a more formal ceremony. Taking place either at a church or a funeral home, it is overseen by a religious or community officiant and follows a prescribed format. Prayers, readings, music, and processions all play a key role in a funeral.
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Is it Okay to Bring a Pet to a Funeral?

Saturday, January 11th, 2014

Is it Okay to Bring a Pet to a Funeral?Some of the most touching funeral stories in the media are the ones about dogs who mourn their owners long after they’re gone. The beloved pet who sprawls in grief at the base of the coffin, who sits tirelessly by the burial site for weeks or even months after death occurs—these stories pull our heartstrings and make us believe in a deep human-pet bond that goes beyond the grave.

It seems only natural, then, that allowing pets at a funeral is an acceptable thing. After all, if these creatures feel some kind of grief—if they understand, on some level, what loss means—then why shouldn’t they be invited to participate in the ritual of saying goodbye?

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How to Find the Right Sympathy Message for Flowers

Friday, November 22nd, 2013

How to Find the Right Sympathy Message for FlowersSending funeral flowers is a great way to show your love and support for a loved one, but how do you find the right sympathy message for flowers? Is it better to go short and sweet, letting the blooms do the talking? Or is the time to pull out a lengthy quote or heartfelt letter?

Most people find that a line or two is sufficient to send along with the funeral flowers—especially since the florist-offered cards tend to be small and time is tight if you want the arrangement to arrive on time. If you’d like to send a follow-up letter with more in-depth sentiment, it’s often best to wait a few weeks to gather your thoughts and compose the perfect letter.

Sympathy Card Messages

Most sympathy card messages are composed of a sentiment, a personal note, and a closing. Because you want to avoid making this about you (grief and bereavement are shared by all, but funeral flowers are meant to comfort the family), it’s best to stick to something that expresses your shared loss but doesn’t turn the spotlight back on yourself.

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Writing a Condolence Letter

Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Writing a Condolence LetterMost people are familiar with sending sympathy cards upon the passing of a friend or relative, or even with sending funeral flowers or some type of gift basket to show their concern. These types of funeral gifts have become mainstream, allowing individuals from all over the country to participate in the funeral even if they can’t be there in person.

One way in which to take this type of sentiment to the next level is to write a condolence letter. So much more than a sympathy card, a heartfelt condolence letter provides a way to reach out to those in need through your words and deepest sentiments. And because this type of letter is meant to be sent on paper through the mail, it tends to mean much more than an email or other online message.

Differences between a Sympathy Card and a Condolence Letter

Sympathy cards are typically short notes that you either purchase or make to let a family know that you are thinking of them. Much like a birthday card or other commemorative item, the sentiment is short and sweet (although these particular ones express sympathy rather than joy).

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Funeral Protest Laws

Friday, October 18th, 2013

Funeral Protest LawsIn a country where free speech reigns and everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, the rights of mourning families regularly come into question. This is never more true than when military funerals or other funerals of high public interest occur. On the one hand, it is important that those who are grieving are able to plan a funeral and say goodbye in a way that is respectful and private. On the other hand, the United States works hard to allow organizations to voice a protest in keeping with their rights as citizens.

New Military Funeral Regulations

In August 2012, President Obama signed the Honoring America’s Veterans and Caring for Camp Lejeune Families Act of 2012 into law. Foremost among the law’s details, there are now restrictions in place to keep protestors at military funerals a discreet distance from the mourning family.

Under this new legislation, any protests (usually held in response to the individual’s private life or as a larger protest against military service) must be held at least 300 feet from military funerals. Likewise, these groups are prohibited from forming two hours before or after a service in order to give the family a wide berth. The law directly counteracts a 2011 Supreme Court ruling that allowed public displays as protected under the First Amendment.

What This Means for Funeral Planning

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