Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category

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Funeral Fundraising

Monday, September 16th, 2013

Funeral FundraisingWhenever anyone talks about funeral costs or finding ways to finance a burial, the most commonly cited options include pre-planned funerals, funeral or life insurance, estate money, or even a private savings account. It has long been considered the responsibility of the deceased or the deceased’s immediate family to cover all the funeral costs, regardless of how that affects personal finances.

While there is no denying that funeral costs should be covered by those closest to the deceased, this is not always a possibility. Whether due to personal circumstances, timing, or funeral plans that fell through, you may find yourself in need of additional funds. One such place to turn for help is through funeral fundraising.

What is Funeral Fundraising?

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Inexpensive Ways to Dress a Child for a Funeral

Monday, September 9th, 2013

Inexpensive Ways to Dress a Child for a FuneralChildren aren’t always invited to attend funerals, but it is becoming more common to introduce formal death to kids at a young age. Because they are often bombarded by media images and video games that include death, going to a funeral for a relative can be a more realistic and practical way for them to understand what death means.

While many parents are happy to include children at funerals, there remains the lingering question of how to dress them…and how to dress them on a budget. It isn’t practical to purchase a somber black formal outfit they might only wear the one time, but neither is it appropriate to dress them in a glittery holiday dress or jeans and a t-shirt. To dress a child for a funeral for less, we recommend a few key steps.

  • Go Dark, Not Black: There are no rules that say a child (or anyone) has to wear black to a funeral. Dark colors like blue, grey, green, and even more muted reds can be appropriate. You can even include white as long as there are some darker colors to compliment it.
  • Shop for Less: Because this is an outfit your child may only wear one time, consider shopping at thrift stores, discount stores, or clothing swaps. Look for functionality over visual appeal, and don’t worry as much about fit. This is a one-time use.
  • Buy Separates: Instead of purchasing an entire outfit, opt for one piece. A shirt, a pair of pants, a serviceable skirt…these can be bought for fairly little and paired with something your child already owns.
  • Borrow from Others: Hand-me-downs are a common part of most childhood wardrobes, but few people consider borrowing clothes for a temporary fix. Now is a good time to consider it. If you know of someone who has been through a similar situation—or who has a large kid’s closet the right size—consider approaching them for a favor.
  • Dress Up in a General Sense: Because children usually aren’t the focus of a funeral, you may be able to get away with simply dressing them up. Holiday outfits, wedding attire, and other formal kids wear could be an easy solution. Just be sure to stay away from glitter, spangles, vibrant colors, or anything else that will cause them to stand out (this includes shoes, as well).

At the end of the day, the most important thing your child can bring to the funeral is respect and good behavior. Most people will be more than understanding of budget (and time) constraints when it comes to dressing a child for a funeral.

Planning a Funeral for an Unborn Child

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Planning a Funeral for an Unborn ChildOne of the most difficult things a parent can be asked to do is to plan the funeral or memorial service of a child who has yet to be born. Most experts agree that a formal funeral or service is an important part of the grieving process of giving birth to a child who isn’t meant for this world—and getting started early can help you process some of your emotions in advance.

Most infant funerals in this type of situation occur within a week following your loss. Because you and your family will be undergoing a difficult trial (and possibly recovering from surgery or childbirth), having everything prepared ahead of time can allow you to focus on what really matters during this time.

Plan a Memorial Service Your Way

There is no rule that says you have to hold a traditional funeral for your child, or even that you have to hold one at all. You can call it a memorial service, a commemoration of life, a going home party, or even a birthday celebration. How you set it up is entirely up to you, though you may want to follow a few general guidelines.

  • Contact a Funeral Home You Trust: Funeral homes tend to be familiar with the process of burying a newborn child, and will be able to coordinate services according to your wishes. Look for a home that offers sympathy and a friendly approach, as you’ll be entrusting your child’s legacy to their hands.
  • Determine Your Interment Wishes: The decision of whether to bury or cremate a child can be an agonizing one. Bear in mind your religious preferences, your desire for portability (if you will be moving away at a later date and may want to visit the grave), finances, and personal wishes. Both of burial and cremation are viable options and can be accommodated in a way that is caring and appropriate.
  • Take Your Time Making Decisions: It can be comforting for many families to choose the details of the burial. A special outfit for your child to wear, a hand-knitted blanket to be wrapped up in, the final casket, a burial location and headstone—even the flowers and special memorial tributes you want at the service. As these are one of the few things you’ll be able to do for your child, it’s okay to take your time and savor the process.
  • Set a Date: Because many children in this situation are born via C-section or another planned delivery, you may be able to make advance memorial service plans. By setting a date and confirming location and other services, you allow family members to organize their schedules to join you.

Perhaps the most important thing you can do is locate resources—both online and in person—for individuals in your situation. Support groups, grief counselors, and other parents can help you through the process. In addition to providing you with tips for the memorial service, they can help you begin to understand your loss and what it means for your family’s future.

 

Cemetery Etiquette: How to Be Respectful when Touring a Cemetery

Thursday, August 15th, 2013

Cemetery Etiquette: How to Be Respectful when Touring a CemeteryVisiting a cemetery is something that almost everyone does at some point in their life. Whether it’s a trip to a local cemetery to say goodbye to a loved one, a stop at a famous cemetery as part of a grief tour, or simply because you want to enjoy the quaint setting and serenity to be found in a cemetery, there are plenty of reasons to stop by.

And while most cemeteries have regular visiting hours and encourage people to come in, it’s important to remember that these facilities are considered safe, sacred spaces for those who are mourning. In addition to following each cemetery’s individual guidelines, it’s also a good idea to follow a few general cemetery etiquette suggestions.

  • Don’t visit at night without permission. Most cemeteries have set hours of operation, which are listed on their gates or at the main facilities. Those without set hours are typically open from dawn until dusk, and don’t encourage nighttime visitors. If you do want to visit after hours, be sure and contact someone in charge to get permission first.
  • Don’t sit on, lean on, or make rubbings of the erected memorials. Headstones, vaults, crypts, and memorial benches are meant to stand for hundreds years. (And in historic cemeteries, many of them already have!) Do your best not to interact with the stone materials, especially if you don’t have permission first. Many cemeteries forbid headstone rubbings because of the additional wear and tear they cause. (more…)

Common Cremation Questions

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Common Cremation QuestionsWhen it comes time to start funeral planning, you may find that you have lingering questions about cremation. Yes, we all know that it provides a lower-cost alternative to traditional burial, and that the outcome—an urn of ashes—can be scattered or kept on the mantelpiece as a kind of memorial to the deceased.

But what about the details? When is cremation not recommended? How personalized is the process of transforming the body into ashes? And where can you go to find more information?

The following list of common questions should help provide a baseline of understanding the cremation process. For additional information, you should always contact a local funeral home or the Cremation Association of North American (CANA).

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Save on Burial Costs with a Funeral Committee

Friday, July 26th, 2013

Save on Burial Costs with a Funeral CommitteeThere is perhaps no better way to cut back on funeral costs than to take a community approach to burial. Part of the reason funerals are so expensive is because most families go through the process alone. They meet with a funeral home, make decisions in isolation, and handle the entire burden by themselves. This type of process makes it difficult to share resources and even best practices—two things that can actually end up saving thousands of dollars on a funeral.

What is a Funeral Committee?

Funeral committees are a community, church, or other group effort created to establish a safe place for families to turn for low-cost burials in keeping with local traditions. Most funeral committees exist within religious institutions (since so many burial practices have their roots in a specific religious ideology), and are formed as part of a congregation effort to make planning a funeral on everyone involved.

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Requesting a Private Autopsy

Tuesday, July 23rd, 2013

Requesting a Private AutopsyIn the funeral planning industry, most people associate autopsies with high-intensity drama and crime. Thanks in large part to television and the media, it is generally assumed that only deceased individuals who have died under suspicious circumstances are eligible to receive autopsies. While it is true that the majority of autopsies are performed for this reason, families may also request private autopsies for their own personal information.

Why Get a Private Autopsy?

If officials don’t suspect an unnatural cause of death, chances are they will release a body directly to the funeral home of your choosing. However, if you have any questions about your loved one’s health or cause of death, you may want to opt for an autopsy in order to seek answers.

Some of the more common reasons for requesting a private autopsy include:

  • Questions about the cause of death
  • Concerns about the treatment and care of the deceased prior to death
  • Insurance settlements and medical malpractice issues
  • Family health concerns (particularly if the deceased is believed to have died from a genetic disorder)
  • Peace of mind

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DNA Artwork: A Unique Memorial Gift

Friday, June 7th, 2013

DNA Artwork: A Unique Memorial GiftGiving a memorial gift is a great way to show a loved one how much you care about their loss and the difficulties they’ll undergo in the months ahead. In addition to things like funeral flowers, people often choose pretty mementos like engraved plaques, ornamental urns, memory journals, or statuettes.

While of all these make appropriate presents, there isn’t a whole lot of personalization involved. To find a truly one-of-a-kind memorial gift, you may want to get closer to the deceased. A lot closer. As close as his or her DNA.

DNA Artwork

DNA artwork bridges the scientific and artistic communities by creating large, visually appealing works of art that depend entirely on a person’s unique DNA. Offered from several different companies and in several different formats, the most popular version on the market right now are the DNA Portraits offered by a company known as dna11.

The process is fairly complex and takes a while (usually around 6 weeks). You send in a DNA sample through their kit, their lab runs it through a special gel to find the unique code, and it is turned into a digitally-enhanced canvas picture.

Of course, when you’re considering this for a deceased family member or friend, getting a DNA sample may not be that easy. Because the company prefers a cheek swab over something sloughed off (like hair in a brush or clipped fingernails), you may need to coordinate with the funeral home in order to get the sample taken.

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Celebrate Life not Death with a Living Funeral

Monday, May 27th, 2013

Celebrate Life not Death with a Living Funeral

iMortuary welcomes guest contributor, Dennis Aimes. Dennis Aimes is a writer and insurance advisor that specializes in the GIO funeral insurance product for his Australian based clientele.

The end of life can be a time of great sadness.  It should also be a time of joy, as we not only mourn the passing of a cherished loved one but celebrate the accomplishments of their life.  The celebration is one reason why the living funeral has been rising in popularity as an alternative to the traditional funeral.

Why a living funeral?

When someone is born we celebrate their entrance into our world and our lives.  We feast and celebrate when a child is born.  We celebrate each year that passes with birthday parties, marking the annual ceremony of when someone’s life began.  This is where the logic behind having a living funeral comes from.  Why should the end of life be any different, why focus on the negative aspect of a person leaving us when we should look back and celebrate all that they have accomplished?

When to have one

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Funeral Planning How-To: Getting Ready to Send Sympathy Flowers

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

Funeral Planning How-To: Getting Ready to Send Sympathy FlowersWhen we hear of a loved one passing, one of the first thoughts to spring up is whether or not to send sympathy flowers. For centuries, flowers have been a part of the funeral planning process, providing beauty and comfort to the family in what is obviously a high-stress situation.

However, with so many funeral flower providers and funeral etiquette rules to follow, it can be difficult knowing where to start. Here are a few guidelines for selecting the perfect arrangement and for making sure your flowers arrive on time for the funeral.

When to Send Funeral Flowers

Ideally, you should arrange for the purchase and delivery of funeral flowers as soon as possible—but not so early the flowers arrive before the funeral occurs. The best idea is to wait until the funeral home and date of service have been arranged. Most funeral flower companies can use that information to coordinate the delivery with the funeral director, ensuring that your gift arrives on time to be showcased at the memorial service.

Of course, there is no time limit on this sort of thing. If you live out of town or were away when the death announcement was originally made, you can arrange for a sympathy arrangement to be sent to the family well after the service. In fact, since they may be overwhelmed with flowers immediately after the funeral, this slight delay can provide comfort in the weeks following the death.

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