Coping with Funerals and Loss
It’s inevitable that as we age, more and more of our friends, relatives, and acquaintances pass away. Funeral planning, which seems so far away during our youth, becomes almost second nature as the decades pass, even though the pain of each death can be just as acute as the first.
For many people in this situation, it can be difficult to reconcile one’s own mortality with the joys of living. However, the real purpose of funerals is not only to commemorate the deceased, but to celebrate life. If you’re having a difficult time with the passing of a loved one, or if you’re seeking ways to look beyond funeral plans to the life you have ahead of you, here are a few helpful steps:
Focus more on the deceased’s life than his or her death. Death is a part of life we can’t avoid, and whether it was expected or not, it is unchangeable. Instead of focusing on just the death aspect of a funeral, consider the life of those who have gone before you. What did they do that made them feel wonderful? How did they reach out and make an impact in other people’s lives? What might they have done differently, if given a chance? These answers can help be a guide for your own life, so that the legacy you leave behind will someday be rich and fulfilling enough to help others along their path. It’s never to late to start enjoying life.
Consider what words of consolation the deceased would have given you. One of the best ways to connect with the deceased while still moving forward is to “listen” to their advice about moving forward. Would he/she have told you to throw a big party and make new friends? Reach out to a religious institution to return to your faith? Take up a new activity or focus on family? Taking a small “piece” of the deceased’s outlook with you can be a great way to honor his or her life while improving your own.
Find support groups. In many cases, grief and loss are too much to bear alone. In these instances, it’s important to find online or local support groups that can help you with the coping process. Grief is a very real and devastating process, and having someone you can count on is vital in working through your emotions.
Get your own funeral preplanning out of the way. Some of the major stresses associated with attending or planning funerals is the amount of time, money, and worry that goes in to making the major decisions regarding burial arrangements. Planning a funeral in advance gives you some control over your own life while also getting the peace of mind that comes from knowing your own family will be spared much of the trouble. There is no better way to celebrate life than to know that death is taken care of.
No matter how old you are or where you are on your life’s journey, it’s never too late to start celebrating the things that matter. Although funeral planning will always be a difficult thing to do, the right attitude and approach can transform the focus from death to life – which is where it really belongs.
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