One of the reasons we have cemeteries and headstones as a culture is because of how important it is to have a physical place to grieve. Regardless of your beliefs about the afterlife, being able to make a connection to a grave, a physical location, or a columbarium niche is part of the grieving process. You can talk with your loved one, reflect on your loss, and decorate the spot—all of which help you to heal and move through your grief. (more…)
Posts Tagged ‘grief’
When is the Best Time to Scatter Ashes?
Thursday, January 28th, 2016
One of the primary benefits of cremation is that you don’t have to hold a memorial service right away. With cremated remains, you can take days, weeks, months, or even years to get everyone together to hold a scattering ceremony. This kind of flexibility is important in our modern society, when families are spread out over the globe and can’t always rearrange their plans to travel to a funeral. (more…)
What to Do the Day After a Funeral
Monday, January 25th, 2016
So much of planning a funeral has to do with the making burial preparations, reaching out to friends and family members, and finding ways to cope with your recent loss. And like many major life events and holidays, there is a kind of anticipation that goes into this planning process. Even though you may be feeling completely brokenhearted right now, the need to make decisions and put affairs in order provide a kind of foundation for getting through each day. (more…)
How to Create a Memorial Space in Your Home
Monday, January 11th, 2016
A funeral or memorial service is just the start of your bereavement process. Losing a loved one isn’t something you just “get over” or “recover from.” It’s a lifelong journey of finding ways to cope and enjoying the positive things that remain.
Funerals are a great way to kick start this grieving process, but they often leave a sense of emptiness behind. Once the funeral planning is done and the guests have departed, it’s time to begin finding your new path through life—often with only yourself to rely on.
For many, creating a memorial space at home is an ideal way to begin this journey of healing. In addition to allowing you a physical space to mourn (that’s not as far away as a cemetery), you may find comfort from having memories of the deceased so close by.
- Dedicate a space for the memorial. A mantelpiece is the most common location, but any niche or corner (or even a shelf on the bookcase) will do. A coffee table, a desk, or even an entire room you don’t use may also apply.
- Place an urn or photo in the space. If you had the deceased cremated, you can keep an urn of the ashes in the memorial space. If not, you can place a photograph or beloved item (shoes, a stuffed animal, a favorite hat, a trophy, an award medal, a wedding ring) in the center location. Anything that reminds you of the deceased and brings you joy will work.
- Consider flowers, decorations, and other commemorative items. There’s no rule about how many things you need to put in a memorial space, so feel free to include anything you feel is relevant to your relationship with your loved one. Some people also like to put up seasonal items (in much the same way you might place seasonal decorations at a grave site).
- Burn candles or make offerings. Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you may want to light special candles or burn incense. Aromatherapy candles can provide a double benefit if you choose soothing, healing scents that bring you personal comfort or remind you of the deceased. (Make sure you never leave anything on fire unattended.)
- Keep it up as long as you need. The great thing about a memorial space in your home is that you can keep it up year-round, and with the exception of an occasional dusting, you don’t need to do anything to maintain it.
The need for having a safe, physical space to mourn is why we have cemeteries and memorials in the first place. So much about death is intangible, and making a physical connection with those we have lost is difficult. A personal shrine or memorial space not only gives you more flexibility in your grief, but it allows you to personalize the process so that you can always feel connected.
Holding a Funeral by Invitation Only
Monday, July 6th, 2015
How to Have an Invitation Only Funeral
It’s not uncommon for a family to wish to take their grief out of the public eye and hold a private mourning ceremony just for close friends and relatives. Whether the deceased was a public figure, died a newsworthy death, or simply wished for the funeral to be kept small, you can hold a funeral or memorial service by invitation only. Most of the funeral plans will stay the same, with one or two notable exceptions.
Obituary: You’ll need to strategize the obituary to make it clear that the funeral is open by invite only. One option is to skip the obituary and death notice altogether. By not publicly announcing the death, you won’t need to worry about those who aren’t invited stopping by. You can also put in an obituary but word it carefully. You can mention that it will be a “closed funeral” and ask for prayers instead of flowers or visits. (more…)
Travel Tips for the Newly Bereaved
Monday, June 22nd, 2015
Traveling for the sole purpose of attending a funeral is never fun. In addition to the overwhelming feelings of sadness you may be dealing with, there are last-minute flights to arrange, rental cars to organize, hotels to book, and the actual flight to undergo. Although nothing can take away the pain of your loss, you can at least find ways to ease the burden of travel with these helpful tips.
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Contact Individual Airlines. Not every airline offers bereavement rates, but many of them do have built-in specials if you recently lost an immediate member of your family (spouse, parent, child, sibling). You may have to show proof of death (a death certificate) in order to qualify, but you can also get squeezed onto a last-minute flight this way with up to 20% off the price of your ticket. (more…)
Top Movies about Funerals
Thursday, May 7th, 2015
Top Movies about Funerals
If you look at the proportion of movies about weddings compared to the proportion of movies about funerals, you’ll find that people are much more interested in watching the celebration of love rather than the celebration of death. While this isn’t really surprising (traditionally, the sad movies we love to watch focus more on the character’s journey than the aftermath of loss), it is interesting to note that funeral-oriented movies are on the rise.
Whether you’re in the mood for a funeral-related movie with humor to pick you up, or if you need something to remind you that everyone goes (more…)
Non-Denominational Sympathy Card Messages
Wednesday, February 18th, 2015
Sending a sympathy card to a family who has just experienced a loss is a kind and low-cost way to show your support. Because too many funeral flowers can be overwhelming—and because many people would rather not receive financial support or gift baskets—sympathy cards allow you to share your regrets without overwhelming the family.
Because of the nature of death and dying, most sympathy cards and the messages for sympathy cards are religious in nature. However, not every family appreciates spiritual sentiments at this time, or you yourself may be agnostic/atheist and don’t wish to send a religious card. (more…)
A Life Affirming Quote for the Grieving
Monday, October 27th, 2014
What Kind of Day Will You Make
Searching for answers about life, loss, love, and grief, we often turn to advice and wisdom in memorable quotes.
Sometimes, it is useful to remind ourselves of the richness of life by framing wisdom in thoughtful questions like this life inspirational quote about life: What Kind of Day Will You Make?”
Funeral Etiquette: Funerals and Divorce
Friday, September 5th, 2014
Funeral etiquette is complicated even under the most traditional of family circumstances, so when you throw in blended families and issues related to divorce and remarriage, things can quickly become tangled up. Is it acceptable to go to the funeral of an ex-spouse? What about extended family of your ex to whom you remained close? And what happens if you are footing part of the bill for the burial? (more…)
